Those dates turned out to not yield much be annoyance on my part. But I'm still proud of myself for putting on an outfit, attempting a hairdo, and giving it a shot. I'll never meet anyone sitting alone in my living room....unfortunately.
Spring is around the corner and I am happy to be distracted with yard work and gardening. Keeping my mind on clean living keeps me from being lonely.
Tuesday, March 10, 2020
Tuesday, February 4, 2020
Feisty
I made two dates. I'm proud of myself for continuing to take leaps even when I fall short. At least I'm trying. I'm listening to Leslie Feist's new album and the female rage within the context of her beautiful voice is giving me life. I need to remember to revel in the small things. Like a new album, or the smell of changing seasons, all those things add up to really living versus going through the motions.
Monday, January 27, 2020
the name of the game
After five years, I FINALLY got my name legally changed back to Gardner on all my legal documents and any where it counts. I renewed my expired passport! It means the world to me that I'm finally completed and no longer dragging my divorce decree around with me various places to untie the knot I tied years ago.
I feel free, but lonely. Alive, but a little bruised. I don't have a lot of people in my life to talk to about divorce. It's a very lonely feeling. I try to talk to others that have been divorced, but their experiences are usually so different. I saw a therapist for a time, but even that felt empty. The best thing I was gifted during this time was a book called, "Yes, Please" by Amy Poehler about her own divorce. I reread it when I'm particularly low.
I've been single for a little over a year now. And it's definitely getting to me. My loneliness has caused me to really dig deep and find out what makes me happy. But after a year of being single, I know that what makes me happy is giving and receiving love and affection. There are hundreds of people I can give my love, time, and attention to, but it is difficult when I pine for a romantic love. More difficult when I see other people seemingly have it in abundance all around me.
Maybe it's Valentine's Day approaching and winter in full effect, but I am fighting hard to remain optimistic about finding someone to share time and affection with. Maybe it's being 42 in a college town or the attempts at fast/casual app dating. But I have to move on from men in my life that cannot love me.
You can't second guess your life, you'll ruin your ability to live it.
I feel free, but lonely. Alive, but a little bruised. I don't have a lot of people in my life to talk to about divorce. It's a very lonely feeling. I try to talk to others that have been divorced, but their experiences are usually so different. I saw a therapist for a time, but even that felt empty. The best thing I was gifted during this time was a book called, "Yes, Please" by Amy Poehler about her own divorce. I reread it when I'm particularly low.
I've been single for a little over a year now. And it's definitely getting to me. My loneliness has caused me to really dig deep and find out what makes me happy. But after a year of being single, I know that what makes me happy is giving and receiving love and affection. There are hundreds of people I can give my love, time, and attention to, but it is difficult when I pine for a romantic love. More difficult when I see other people seemingly have it in abundance all around me.
Maybe it's Valentine's Day approaching and winter in full effect, but I am fighting hard to remain optimistic about finding someone to share time and affection with. Maybe it's being 42 in a college town or the attempts at fast/casual app dating. But I have to move on from men in my life that cannot love me.
You can't second guess your life, you'll ruin your ability to live it.
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